A Tokyo Wedding... Pt 3 The Reception Begins

Following the wedding ceremony, of course is the reception, or kekkon hiroen. So, we quickly make our way to the tables, and await the bride and groom... The one thing that you quickly realise about Japanese weddings is that they love the GRAND ENTRANCE... and indeed it's a great feeling to see the newly married couple arrive at the reception for the first time. I'm sure they were so happy (and I'm sure just a little nervous still).

H-kun's parents watched on with great pride...

Okaasan

And perhaps some sense of the passage of life, as a new chapter in their son's life begins..

Otousan

There are typically lots of speeches at wedding receptions - but the best one is the kanpai! speech (kanpai means cheers... sort of)... and the raising of glasses to the newly married couple. It's an important part of any wedding, and I'm sure one that's a nerve-wracking experience for the person giving it. How much to say?.... What stories to tell... How embarrassing can it be (it's not really supposed to be though). The main thing is this... to introduce the kanpai!... a part that I enjoyed very much (*hic*)... possibly why I took so many photos that didn't turn out...

The kampai speech

H-kun however looks like all the right things are being said... so mission success.

Through the guests, the beautiful bride looks on... It's an odd thing, but the immediate family tables tend to be at the back (or at least from my experience), so you don't necessarily get the best view. Having a long lens can help, however...

S-chan takes a moment to reflect. It's been a long road to this moment, but finally it's here.

Kanpai!... 

And finally they can start to relax a little.

And enjoy the exuberance of being in love... weddings are such great days, but you can easily forget how much hard work went into it.

Here's a look at the head-piece from behind. It's a lot of work to get ready for a Japanese wedding - and often this can take several hours for the kimono/hair... but perhaps that's normal for weddings, wherever you are.

A very happy husband. Well done, H-kun!

Here's a photo of the family... a little blurred...one of the problems with a camera that tends to focus on the closest thing. Actually the wedding really did highlight to me the difference between a DSLR and a point and shoot camera. Unfortunately, I've still got years of P&S training to overcome.

The brides family... 

The bride and groom depart!... for the time being.

(Note - due to some major Blogger problems, these posts have been quite delayed. I hope their problems have been resolved... and it's just reminded me on how we become dependent on such services. It's both the power and vulnerability of the modern digital age)

A Tokyo Wedding... Pt 2 The Ceremony & Welcoming

The Hotel New Otani has it's own private shrine down on the ground level (near the gardens) and that's where the wedding party was lead - where the Shinto ceremony is generally for family and very close friends... We didn't realise it before hand, but we were going to have front-row seats, on either side of the bride and groom. Now - the one thing I have to say is that for respect, we were asked not to take photos during the main ceremony.

The ceremony involves a lot of recitaton by the priest to purify the couple... and of course to bless the marriage. Actually, there's a fair bit of formalism to the ceremony, most of which was unknown to us (we had an attendant explain the steps involved before hand - even H-kun needed some last minute reminders). This is not a time for grand theatre, but is meant to be a solemn time. The bride and groom don't exchange vowels as such - nor was there an exchange of rings (this may be different elsewhere... not sure how things vary by location, or by couple). Indeed the sakaki branch (on the front bench) is used to join the two together at this stage in sacred offering. Actually - the official marriage is done before hand through the equivalent of the Council Offices, but that doesn't distract from the importance of this day of public joining together.

The Shinto Shrine

The ceremony ends with the san-san-kudo ceremony, which might be translated to 3x3=9. Other than the educative value in reminding us of our multiplication tables, you might be wondering what that might have to do with a wedding. In this the bride and groom take turns to sip from three cups of sake, three times each (nine times in all); three is an auspicious number... therefore three times has to be a truly lucky combination - san-san-kudo. This process is known more generally as "sakazuki-goto", where sakzuki characteristic very wide, shallow sake cups - and often is used in Japan at the completion of a contract or something important. It doesn't get much more important than marriage. The sake is said to be instilling the spirit of the god in the marriage... actually alcohol pretty well features throughout the day and evening (much like weddings in many cultures, strangely enough). so there must be a lot of the gods to go around.

In historical Japan, it was the groom that would be adopted as part of the bride's family upon marriage (this was known as "mukoiri-kon", and was useful in moving labour - for hard field work - between families. With the development of a strong military caste system, this was turned around such that brides in turn left their family to become formally part of the grooms family (or "yomeiri-kon")... now women were seen as the labour capital in the agrarian society. This tradition (of brides formally transitioning their family) has continued on to modern times, though it has been softened in meaning. On a personal note, after T-chan and I married, she had to go to her local council office to effectively be removed from her families register. It's a harsh reminder of older times, and also a sobering moment for a daughter.

The Newly Married Bride Gets Ready

Back up stairs after the main group photos had been taken, we enjoyed the official welcoming party. The day is actually party after party, each party having a slightly different feel (and guest list). Hard work for the newly married couple, both in the preparation and implementation. I guess, coming from Australia we'd missed most of the hard lead-up work... and could just come in and enjoy things. By this stage, all of our concerns before the trip had completely melted away in happiness.

Daddy and son

One of the fun things is to read the couples welcoming profile... even L-kun took a serious look at it. I suspect he was just trying to find his favourite uncle H-kun in all of the photos. The couple also had a lot of faux-newspapers printed up with news stories about themselves and greetings from guests. I love the idea of a couple profile - it's a great way for everyone to get to know the couple from a different perspective than they might be used to.

The brides father took a moment to reflect on the change of life (or just to get a look at the weather). The second daughter to be married in the space of a year. Outside the fickle spring weather had turned wet and windy. Inside there was warmth and love enough to keep the poor weather at bay, and smiles on the faces of all the guests.

The Bride's father

The welcoming is not really a welcoming by the couple... Actually, the couple were notable in their absence at this point (and for good reason)... An important part of this stage is to make sure everyone is being looked after, and also to receive gifts from guests. It is still commonplace in Japan for the couple to receive money as a wedding gift (and in turn they will receive a thank you gift from the couple, as custom requires).

The couple meanwhile were getting ready for the next stage. The reception party proper...

A Tokyo Wedding... Pt 1 The Preparation

Well - today I start to write the story of my brother-in-law's (H-kun) wedding which was the inspiration for our recent trip to Tokyo... well, H-kun and his wonderful bride (S-chan)... we sort of met them back in an earlier post, but we get to meet them for real now. And it's a happy story indeed...

The wedding was at the Hotel New Otani (in Chiyoda, Tokyo), one of the very nice hotels within Tokyo (though a long way from the usual touristy areas). It's a very sought after location for weddings, especially in Spring, in the middle of Cherry Blossom season. Now it was essentially a formal Japanese wedding, with both traditional Japanese and modern (relaxed) Western style components. As both T-chan and her mother would be wearing kimono, they had elected to stay at the hotel the night before (and I'm sure they enjoyed some good mother-daughter time together)... 

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Meanwhile L-kun, Otousan and myself met up with the groom and bride on the morning - who drove us to the hotel. It was a little strange (I have to admit) and a long way from the Western tradition of the groom not seeing the bride in the morning.

Everything went well... with one minor exception. Before I explain - to provide context, L-kun had been chosen as the ring-bearer for the ceremony. Which meant that he'd be centre of attention for at least part of the ceremony. That meant that he had leverage - and he knew how to use it. It started off by him refusing to wear his suit jacket, bow-tie or shoes. Not a good start. In fact, he looked downright miserable... with lots of yada yada yada! (reads not on your life...).

What's that they say about performing with animals or small children?... Anyhow, you learn a lot of patience as a parent in these situations (and just a little bit of faith that a miracle will occur). L-kun's a good boy, and whilst he can be a handful at times, he knows the right thing to do. He is, however, capable of being very stuborn...

Then we made our way downstairs... to start the festivities off.

So here's the happy groom (H-kun)... all smiles in the morning... clearly he hasn't had to worry about a temperamental child all morning. Actually, I can't remember feeling quite so relaxed when I got married. Here H-kun is wearing a traditional wedding attire... formal montsuki kimono, hakama (outer pants) and haori (overcoat or jacket). The haori is tied together by a large white haori-himo tassle, and of course no self-respecting Japanese groom would be without his fan... in case it get's too much.

A happy groom... still single and carefree.

Of course, there's a lot to remember come wedding time.... and these moments were important for H-kun to collect himself. After all, there was the Shinto ceremony to prepare for... and he was getting instruction from the attendant on all the ins and outs. It was then that I realised that none of us really knew what was going on. We were, of course, only supporting cast in today's show...

H-kun contemplates the future... soon to be not single...

It was also a time for H-kun/T-chan's parents to take stock. Finally their last child was to be married off. Of course, H-kun being the oldest (and especially being the male), this was quite a different story from when T-chan married myself. Eldest males still hold an important role (and place in a parents heart) in Japan. H-kun's wedding was particularly significant as his family had wondered if he was ever going to get married... much to his mother's concern.

Parents contemplate finally marrying son off.... relief

T-chan and Okaasan wore formal kimono, whereas the males (myself, L-kun and Otousan) wore Western style suits. Otousan scrubbed up quite well.... with a quick sip of some seasonal Sakura flavoured tea, we were all nicely calm and collected. Whew - it was going to be a long day.

T-chan takes a moment to consider the cherry blossom tea...

S-chan was looking remarkably calm as well. Once again, I couldn't quite get used to the fact that we were all interacting so closely (though the bride and grooms family's were separated in different rooms). Japanese brides wear a beautiful white (for purity) shiromuku kimono. The hair is made up (sorry to disappoint, but these hair settings are actually very expensive wigs) in a formal bunkin-takashimada style, over which is worn the tsunokakushi...and is historically/culturally meant to symbolize the hiding of her tsuno (horns) of jealousy... yes that's right, all Japanese women have horns (it's true, I'm speaking from experience). 

S-chan also contemplates the future... at long last!

Sometimes you will see brides wearing a larger white hood (known as the wataboshi) that covers most of the head - and which comes from an even older tradition. The hair-setting also comes with a number of golden combs or kanzashi and not forgetting the white figurative tsuno themselves. Actually, we got married over here in Australia, and as we weren't able to have a traditional Japanese wedding here, T-chan has always missed not having the chance to wear the full formal wedding attire.

T-chan and I had to spend quite a bit of time getting L-kun into the right mood, but after a little gentle encouragement, he started to relax and got into the swing of things. T-chan's kimono was a much younger style, but still difficult to wear (for most Japanese women, wearing a kimono is a bit of a rarity these days, especially for Japanese women living abroad). They are definitely not designed with comfort in mind, though it's not apparent to look at. Breathing is, apparently, a bonus.

T-chan and L-kun have a heart-to-heart

Before you knew it, the families were gathered, and we all headed off to the ceremonial Shinto shrine within the hotel. The wedding ceremony itself was about to begin.

The show is about to start...

I had hoped to take a lot of photos as a bit of a gift for H-kun and S-chan... but alas, it was an experience when I learned the difference between a not-so-good hobbyist, and a professional photographer. So, there weren't many good photos... due to the camera, the lighting, the distance, the wine (which had an increasing effect as the day wore on) - but not least of all the skill level. What follows is a few of the half decent photos (ok, many of these weren't even half decent)... taken both as a happy guest, and a very happy brother-in-law.

It was indeed a very special day.... so I hope you indulge me, as I tell the story of H-kun and S-chan's wedding.